#which no pressure on any of you guys to answer them! even tho i do still admittedly look forward to replies eventually--

[take-ya-to-the-ghey-bar]

-✧{𝓑𝓮𝓵𝓪𝓽𝓮𝓭 𝓒𝓱𝓻𝓲𝓼𝓽𝓶𝓪𝓼 𝓖𝓲𝓯𝓽𝓲𝓷𝓰}✧-

{these are so shamefully overdue lmao, and part of me would still love to send them out individually with a bit more flavor, but-- i've also realized that i just might not be able to find the find the juice for that... so instead, i'm posting a majority of these belated gifts below the cut, "tagged" to the muse they're intended for~}

First up, for Souji~ { @akumanoken }, Micchan predictably went extra-- and ended up getting like three whole outfits-- with plenty of accessories too lol

All of which are admittedly probably not something warm enough to wear out for a date given the season, but... Micchan would have zero objection to Souji picking one for an in house "date"--

Next up, for Caleb~ { @cuteteacakes }, ya boi didn't go quite as extra-- But hopefully a cute jacket, hoodie, and pair of squishy friends make for a good enough bunch u w u

And a bonus mention here for Jackson~, because while Micchan did only happen to pick out one gift for him... It does happen to be quite the nice fountain pen--

{additional pics of which can be found here, and here~}

Meanwhile, for Shizuma { @shizumaikushima }, Micchan admittedly couldn't find as much stuff as he would've liked... But, ya boi did at least come away with a trio of shirts he felt his boyfriend would look good in--

Plus, a night in, or heading out for a little date somewhere is always on the table as a bonus too~

And now, to close out this post-- i've got bonus mentions for @nacreousxhearts , @meretrixious , and @malafxde because while Minato would've loved to get his Nii-san, and Remy something-- i just could not manage to find any ideas back when i dug up all these-- So, i'm more or less putting an IOU on those gifts, until i can hopefully think of something that'll fit the bill lmao. And as for Gabs, we do actually have a couple small gifts ready for her~! I just didn't include them here, because there's plans to exchange them in return for an old gift ask i still have waiting in drafts~💕

[ellecdc]

This is my first ever time requesting and i feel a tad nervous about it. Since i don’t know how the whole thing works.

Okay so i've seen in your previous posts that you said you don't write for barty jr as a central character but imma request anyways and maybe just maybe i'm lucky and you do end up writing this request (no pressure tho sweetie)

Basically a Ravenclaw reader x reg x barty. Reader is a total sweetheart but also very witty, playful and sassy in a sweet way. and marauders are also involved in the fic. (Maybe reader is neighbors with James or maybe she's beasties with rem. I don't mind. you decide that.)

Your moonwater x reader one shot was so cute and i’m just craving more of your writing.

Anyways thank you and also if you don’t want to write for barty just replace him with another character or just ignore this whole request. 💗

🤨🤨🤨🤨 I wanted to say no on account of I really don't know that I want to write for Barty BUT....you're just too cute and I love you too much and I didn't want to say no to you on your first request [which: thanks so much for bestowing me with such an honour]. 🤨🤨🤨🤨 cheeky little minx, I bet you did that on purpose 😉

So I present to you, for possibly the only time ever on ellecdc.... poly!bartylus x Ravenclaw!reader

CW: Barty jokes (?) about wanting to kill people - very on brand for him

“Reggiiieeeee.” Barty whined as he walked into their shared dorm room where Regulus had been reading due to the fact that Barty had taken up residence in the Slytherin common room, making reading nearly impossible.

Regulus stifled a sigh and offered a begrudging “yes, my love?” as Barty belly-flopped onto the bed and muttered something (unintelligible) miserably into the velvet quilts.

“I’m sorry, what was that?” Regulus asked, deciding to bookmark his place and give his boyfriend his undivided attention (anything less could end up being detrimental to both Regulus and Barty’s safety).

Barty lifted his head with a pout on his lips to look at Regulus. “How mad do you think Y/N would be if I killed Potter and his friends?”

Point proven. 

“I’m sorry, what?” Regulus deadpanned, causing Barty to groan and roll onto his side.

“It’s just she’s always spending so much time with them and they’re all so annoying. And I don’t want to tell her to not hang out with them” (that was a lie; Regulus has heard Barty tell you that the Marauders were 'no good company to keep' well over hundreds of times) “so, I thought it’d just be better if they...disappeared, you know?”

“What have you done?” Regulus groaned darkly, causing Barty to chuckle.

“Nothing! Nothing...” yet. 

“You do realize that your hit list includes my brother, right?” Regulus asked.

Barty looked at him like he was sort of stupid. “Uhm...duh, it’s called hitting two bludgers with one beater-bat. Do keep up.”

“Barty, you are going to scare her away...” Regulus pressed. “...you’re kind of scaring me away.”

Barty’s groan nearly turned into a shriek as he threw himself back down onto the bed in defeat.

“Fine. But when we’re trying to enjoy a nice moment with Y/N and Potter and his cronies interrupt, it will be all your fault.” 

And with that Barty got up and stormed out of the dorm room. Regulus sighed in relief and pulled his book back out.

So, when the three of you were wandering around Hogsmeade (i.e., you and Regulus were walking hand-in-hand whilst Barty followed, balancing precariously on the stone walls of bridges as well as some fences lining various properties (much to the shop clerks and homeowners’ chagrin), pausing to pet every cat he could find and seeing how many times he could skip stones in the pond [the answer was none, he kept throwing them too hard]), Regulus got proven wrong (somehow), and (even more importantly) Barty got proven right when Sirius, James, Peter, and Remus showed up.

“Hey guys!” You called cheerily, and Regulus was almost ashamed to admit that your sweet smile and kind voice cancelled out any chagrin that the appearance of his brother caused him.

“Hello gorgeous! Baby bro.” Sirius called with a wink, causing Regulus to roll his eyes.

“Can I help you four!?” Barty nearly screeched as he showed up seemingly out of nowhere, all but standing directly in front of you like he was trying to shield you from the sight a particularly horrifying broom crash.

“Barty...” You chided jovially, gently nudging him aside. “They’re just saying hello.”

Sirius looked rather chuffed that you had defended them. Regulus didn’t like that one bit.

“Okay, well hello. You can leave now.” Barty shouted.

“Oh, lighten up, Junior.” Remus called with a smirk. “We’re all friends here.” 

Barty scoffed. “I’d rather shit in my hands and clap than be friends with Gryffindor’s.”

“Ew.” Everyone else said in response.

“Come on, my sweet, beautiful, angelic, lovely, smart, wonderful girl. I don’t want you or our beautiful day to be tainted by such scoundrels.” He cooed at you like you were some toddler on the verge of tears from having dropped your ice cream on the ground.

You groaned a little bit but acquiesced, allowing Barty to turn your body in the opposite direction.

“Sorry guys. I’ll see you tomorrow for our study date!” You called over your shoulder, to which Barty quickly counteracted with a “no you won’t!”

“You know, love,” Regulus murmured into your ear, “you’d probably save him a little bit of grief if you at least didn’t call it a date.” 

“Perhaps. But look at him now.” You whispered back conspiratorially. “He’s holding my hand and talking a mile a minute about how much of his dad’s money he wants to spend on us at Tomes & Scroll’s.”

Regulus couldn’t help but smirk at that. 

A Ravenclaw may have been smart enough to come up with a plan like this, but only the influence of your two Slytherin boyfriends would have made you cunning enough to pull it off. 

AN: I don't know how I feel about this one bit

[zablife]

This is not really a request, but more of an idea that I just had, so please feel free to ignore this and don’t feel pressured to respond or write anything!! :)

I loved the ‘Johnny defending you’ fic so much!! This is based off how the fic mentioned that they recognized the reader from the bar a couple months ago! I was thinking that maybe the first time she went to the bar, Johnny saw her and pretty much almost fell in love with her at first sight but he thought she was too young for a guy like him :( and she was also hanging off the arm of the rowdy ‘kid’, so he didn’t talk to her or anything (maybe he also thought she seemed too sweet and out of place hanging out with the group of rowdy asses, let alone dating one). After he kicked out the rowdy group, he assumed he would never see her again so he tried to think nothing of it (but then he does!!)

Idk if this makes sense at all! Again, feel free to ignore this :)))

Hi lovely, I'm so glad you enjoyed Imagine Johnny Defending You. Tysm for this incredible bonus thought which has me feeling so soft as I envision protective Johnny wanting nothing more than to make you his so he can love and care for you properly 😍

Now I can't stop picturing the way Johnny's eyes dart toward you the moment you walk into the bar, unconsciously memorizing every detail about you. He immediately reasons you’re much too young for him, wide eyes and fidgeting hands making you appear like a lost child rather than a woman. But there’s a quiet sweetness to you as well that can’t be denied and he’s powerless against your charm.

It isn't something you're aware of at first, stumbling at the threshold as you clutch your boyfriend's arm to keep from falling. He never breaks stride to check on you, dragging you along with a warning to hurry up and insisting he'd rather leave you outside when he meets the leader of the Vandals, if only he could trust you not to act like a whore.

It makes Johnny seethe with anger to hear the way he talks to you, not to mention his overall lack of care for you. He quickly notices that you're shivering beside the young biker, leaning into his arm for a hint of warmth which he never seems to return.

As the punk makes his demands of Johnny, the older man can't help but think of all the things he'd rather do for you instead. If it was up to him, he'd throw these assholes out, make you sit down and eat a good meal bc it doesn't look like you've had one in weeks. Then he'd lead you to the back room to sleep off whatever drugs you're on bc that glassy stare is beginning to worry him. And even tho you glare back at him when he finally catches your eye, he manages a small smile. He knows you’ve been in survival mode too long to recognize genuine concern, but he wants so badly to show you what real love feels like.

As Brucie jabs him in the ribs for his final answer, Johnny rejoins the conversation. “Nah, we don’t take kids.”

As the kid begins to protest, Johnny ventures one more glance at you with a dull ache growing in his chest. Suddenly he realizes he can’t change any of this sickening reality and the thought fuels a new wave of rage.

“I said you ain’t fucking welcome here!” he shouts, slamming his fist on the table.

The pool game in the corner halts as a few beer bottles crash onto the floor, shattering at your feet. Johnny has to look away as you flinch in response, suddenly ashamed of himself. He watches crestfallen as the Renegades stomp from the bar, taking you with them and out of his life forever.

[bambisnc]

OK! [or, group projects w riize]

pairing : ot7 x reader! genre : fluff with crack delicately lined in cw/tw : food mention + use of caps wc : idk ,,

shotaro ,. ! - the mood maker!! - is the person who Socializes, helps to coordinate between the members, makes the gc, arranges meet-ups; just overall supportive and cheerful even if your team is doing literally nothing and is very likely about to get an F (D:) - shows up w like cut fruits for everyone, goes on coffee runs + writes encouraging lil messages on sticky notes and leaves them around/in notebooks etc etc - also x2 i see him as someone who like,... doodles on your people’s hands :( draws a smol star and writes something adorably cringe like “ur my star ^-^”

eunseok ,. ! - he’s the type of guy who’d take charge and delegate work to everyone; to put it simply : BOSSY AF. dare i say dictator coded even, but hey, he just wants this to get over with yk?? - bit scary to work w at first but when if he warms up to you he might would definitely indulge in a lot of partiality; assign you the easier tasks/the tasks that you prefer + if someone pisses him off he would, w the nicest sweetest smile ever, assign them the worst possible task.. - can be bribed if you offer to help w his work though sooo :) do w that what you will :) 

sungchan ,. ! - trust on me this, he’d be the one who’s always “busy” except in his case he probably fr is bc my guy is just into That Many extra curriculars - you call him up like hey where are you we’re supposed to meet at *insert name* coffee shop rn?? and he’d answer w all seriousness that his “rap music club members have a mandatory team exercise for which they’ve gone fishing and after he needs to prepare an ad for the video game club because he kinda insulted the ad making team and now they’re all on strike . oh and he has football coaching (as in he needs to coach like a bunch of tiny kindergarteners as a favor to some aunt) right in between!” - he’ll send all his work at like 4am tho dw ^^ sleep is for the weak.

wonbin ,. ! -perfectionist!!! he would be The aesthetic stationery + supplies guy with like pouches and pouches of pretty washi tapes, metallic coloured calligraphy pens, stickers and much more - would definitely call out people if their handwriting was bad.. - also he would totally use the project as an excuse to get to know whoever he’s interested in~ might offer to split the work into like duos and immediately choose you as his partner~ - prepare yourself for a lot of really obvious and goofy flirting..

seunghan ,. ! - ah yes the wise guy (genuine) (no why does he fr know everything about Everything) - puts out the most thought provoking, viewpoint shaking, world stopping arguments then half-slumps over the table and or rests his entire weight to lean on you and mumbles something about wanting to watch shin-chan >< he’s versatile (read : cute) like that - also would quite honestly go along w any idea no matter how bad it is <3 + seems super calm and composed but watch him be the most excited when taro suggests some team bonding at an arcade/festival :( <3

sohee ,. ! - he gives me manages stuff best under high pressure situations - if you’re freaking out about one of your teammates cough cough you can guess who it was having fumbled up and accidentally written down the wrong date and oh no your project is due tomorrow?! don’t worry! he’s got this :D - procrastinator at heart but for the right persuasion tactics done by ahem a certain someone (it’s you) he’d probably give it his all <;3 - also he’s an enabler at heart.. supports the ideas which he knows are going to be a trainwreck just for funsies

anton ,. ! - :(( he is Doing His Best okay - gets a bit overwhelmed due to the rising panic and chaos + leads to people being very partial to him but honestly yk he deserves it <3 - also a rich guy tm, would definitely ahem ahem pull some strings to get some extra fine quality materials~ - feel like he’d be good at research work + another 4am worker would definitely pester you to join zoom calls or ft you and be like hey!! look at this!! i did this!! is it good!! - as an excuse to show off to yuo splurges a lot for an end of the project celebration for sure

notes : inspired by very very real life events (wrote this in a zoom meet w my current group proj members ehe)! if you know me irl and feel like these are based off of you.. they're not!! you're simply hallucinating!!!! <333 + [m.list]

[romanarose]

If You Wanna be Wild: Chapter 7

Co-written with @my-secret-shame-but-fanfiction my beloved Fen, who I could not do this without. Thank you for being my emotional sounding board, my dear friend, my wonderful cowriter and helpful beta reader. I adore you.

Javier Peña x Latina!sex worker!informant!Reader x Santiago Garcia

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Summary: Everything falls apart and evryone is alone.

Content and warnings for whole fic, not chapter by chapter unless something is added: Sex work, drug trade, some drug use/pressured used, sex workers and the mistreatment/stigma surrounding them specifically in the 70’s (my blog is sex worker positive) but ima put potential dub con depending how you look at it as a sex worker who works with dangerous men, some action surrounding reader and the guys and the drug trade, SMUT HEAVY, corruption kink (were corrupting santi here, he’s young, 25), no loss of virginity tho, threesomes, some slight m/m smut but that’s not the focus here, but as you know this blog is an lgbt blog so I’m always open to gay shit. Talk of war and some PTSD but I won't be going a whole lot into it. Covert/emotional incest in the past, Santi's mommy issues, m/m dynamics, internalized bi/homophobia

Reader speaks Spanish and has hair. I've decided Candy is just latina bc she's a sex worker in Colombia so this is what I'm doing. Reader also has curly hair and dark skin.

ADDITIONAL WARNINGS!:mentions of rape an violence, what happened to Helena, smut, repressed feelings, angst.

Almost everything was written by Fen <3

2.7k words

Support writers! Reblog and comment!

**************

There was no making up. There was no Javi bringing Santi food as an apology, there was no talking. 

When Santi walked into the office on Monday, he saw the fucking desks rearranged, Javier’s and Santi’s on other sides of the room instead of pushed face to face. Santi quickly rushed to the bathroom where he panic vomited and had an anxiety attack, resulting in him being 45 minutes late. Javi didn’t say anything about it.

Where Santi couldn’t eat, Javi couldn’t stop eating, munching down food and taking frequent trips to the vending machine. His doctor was going to kill him. Santi could barely function, even coming in late or leaving early which was a cardinal sin in his book. Still, none of it stopped him from seeing Candy. Occasionally Candy asked about him because all month Javi hadn’t been to see her either. Santi couldn’t get much answer either.

They worked, but mostly separately. Javi had even been trying to find somewhere else to work, but there weren’t exactly free rooms in the precinct. They talked occasionally but only about Lorea… making Santi desperately lonely. He had his family and he loved his tias, but they weren’t Javi. It was the day of the rally for the beatification of Laura Montoya, which forced them to be in close proximity as they dressed in plain clothes and scouted the area for any sign of the Lorea family. Not wanting to look too much like officers on alert, Santi tried making conversation, none of which was working with Javi, only getting few word answers. 

The boy was going to drive him absolutely batshit insane if he didn’t stop talking. It was bad enough he kept asking. ‘Should we get food’ or ‘it’s nice out today’, but his voice mixed with the crowds and noise and music and chatter or the rally, people shouting about whoever it was they were here for, politicians trying to stop them and constantly flashbacks of that night of the ball… Then Santi had to go and say 

“She misses you.”

“You mentioned her name one more fucking time and I’ll-”

“You’ll fucking what?” Santi snapped, his nerves had twisted, hardened suddenly by rage. 

His anger took Javi by surprise, he’d never heard him speak like that to anyone let alone him. 

Santi took his pause as indignation. “I mentioned Candy once. Once. And that’s only because you haven’t seen her, or called her or anything!” He hissed. “She’s worried about you actually, she-”

It was Javi’s turn to snap. 

He grabbed the younger man by the back of his collar and pulled him into a side alley, using his own momentum against him and slamming him up against the brick wall. 

Sant let out a little huff of air as his back collided, gritting his jaw as pain raced along his back. 

The action had been forceful, but not enough to cause discomfort for most people. However, a rough, uneven lump of mortar had poked oddly against the scar at the nape of his neck, sending a tingle down his back.

Javi rammed the heel of his hand into the wall next to Santi’s head, using his height to his full advantage as he leaned over him like he was interrogating a suspect instead of a colleague. A friend. 

Santi breathed hard, his frown pinching his eyebrows together, and Javi would say he even looked cute if he wasn’t so bloody annoying, so obsessed with getting under his skin. Unable to let anything go, constantly digging at him in his self-righteous attitude, just needing to push, and push, and push, and…

Cute. The thought caught him off guard. When had he started to think of Santiago as cute?

“What the fuck are you doing Peña?” He growled, puffing his chest out, but not pushing back. 

Javi shook his head slightly, trying to break his racing mind, trying to get back to reality. “Candy, look, you can’t just-”

“She’s an adult Javi, I can-”

“You’re going to get her killed!” His voice raised at the end, louder and more desperate than he had intended, with just the slightest waver. He hoped Santi didn’t hear it, but he probably did. Nothing got past him. “Do you understand?” Santi glared at him, the muscles in his jaw flexing. Those stupid large doe eyes looking painfully dark and enticing. “You’re flaunting her. Taking her to the ball and, and-”

Santi scoffed. “That’s none of your business, I asked her, I-”

“You’re gonna get her gutted and dumped on the side of the road!” Javier screamed, haunting flashbacks to Helena’s beaten and raped body, wrapping his coat around her and having to carry her out, not sure if she was dying or not. “You know how easy it would be for Lorea to do something? This isn’t even a put two and two together situation, Pope, it’s you waving a four right in his fucking face! And what do you think is gonna happen when he takes her, huh? When he beats her and rapes her an tortures her to get information on YOU!” 

Santi swallows, his face still hard, but that little bob of his Adam’s apple draws Javier’s eye, but he doesn't respond. Javier lowers his voice, fist still gripping Santi’s jacket.

“She’s not gonna give you up, she’s not gonna help them hurt you. She’s gonna end up dead. You’re gonna…” He closed his eyes for a moment, took a small breath. It was easier not to look at him, not to have to stare at his soft eyes and plump lips. “You’re gonna end up dead too, Pope. I can’t… I’ve seen it, okay?”  

Javier screwed up his face, opening his eyes so that he could look at Santi man to man. Implore him to see reason. 

“I’m not telling you to stop seeing her, I’m just saying.... I’ve seen shit happen to girls in her line of work. To officers like you that are still wet behind the ears to this kind of thing-” The second it was out of his mouth, he knew he’d made a mistake. 

“I’m not a fucking child, Peña.” Santi hissed, pressing forward and getting up in Javier’s face. “I know that’s what everyone at the station seems to think and all their little Virgin Maria mierda. I don’t care. I don’t give a fuck if all they see is that.” He pushes firmly on Javier’s chest, almost smacking as he punctuates his sentence. “But I thought you’d know better! I was black ops special agent, I spend years of my life in almost every goddamn continent doing retcon, assassinations, covert operations and rescuing women and children and getting SHOT! I’m not-”

“I’m not saying you’re a child-”

“You are! You are!” Santiago growls, smacking Javi’s chest repeatedly. He doesn’t care that he does sound like a child in that moment, arguing relentlessly on semantics. His emotions are bubbling over and muddying his head. “You’re saying that you know best. That your word is law. Despite all you do to endanger Candy!”

“I do n-”

“You do! You think you’re above it all, you’re just as bad, you pretend to care but you-”

“Shut your fucking mouth, Garcia!”

“Make me!”

He doesn’t think. 

There’s always times he doesn’t think. When he gets too lost in whatever emotion he’s letting overwhelm him. Sometimes rage. Sometimes guilt. Usually negative either way. That’s where Santi is a good partner, keeping a cool and level head while Javi plays bad cop.

Usually ends up with him throwing a punch, not a kiss. 

Santi knew ‘make me’ was childish. Knew it was playground nonsense reserved for kids still in single digits. But if everyone was going to keep calling him that, keep pretending that he wasn’t the only actual goddamned adult in the room then-

Then…

Javier’s lips on his steal his breath away, rob him of every thought that has ever run through his mind. And, for once, it’s blissfully quiet. The anxieties pushed away for the peace of a lover's kiss.

Javi presses closer, pushing Santiago further into the wall and cupping his face with his warm hand as he kisses him, body to body, warmth to warmth. Darting out his tongue to just trace Santi’s bottom lip and groans when he parts them immediately, no hesitation, and lets him lick into his mouth. 

The angle’s a little awkward, Javier’s body trapping Santi’s hand between their chests. But Santiago’s fingers curl into his shirt, pulling him closer as his kisses leave him breathless and desperate for more.

Javier’s leg bumps into his and Santi moves a step, moaning softly and then whining as his thigh presses against his half hard cock, a sharp spike of pleasure running up his spine and- 

His thoughts all come crashing down. What the fuck, what the fuck  was he doing? His mother’s voice rang in his head, screaming his name. 

He could get arrested for this, thrown in jail, worse. He was going to burn in hell.

Santi pulled back quickly, disentangling himself from Javier so quickly that both men nearly fell. He turned, not giving the older man a second look, and ran out of the alley into the crowded street. 

He didn’t even hear Javier call his name. 

*

“Are you okay, baby?” You asked, your naked body covering Santiago while giving him tender kisses, scooting yourself up and down his cock. You loved to tease him, get him whimpering and watch as all those troublesome thoughts left his pretty little head. He was too pretty to be so worried all the time.

He’d been stressed on and off about Javi, occasionally bringing it up, but you think he stopped when he realized it upset you. You were really good at pretending to care when old professors droned on and on about academic works or when men talked about themselves or complained about their wives and mothers again and again and again. You could’ve faked not being upset when Santi, but you didn’t fake anything with him. Javi’s absence hurt your feelings. You were worried about him, and you were angry at him for abandoning you and hurting Santi. For continuing to hurt his feelings. Bitch.

But honestly… you just miss him. A lot. It would take more than a poster to patch this, he’d have to make things right with Santi too, but you’d forgive him. You just wanted him back, and you wanted Santi happy again. He was already thin enough, and as your body slid up and down the sweaty length of him, you could feel he’d lost weight. 

Santi moaned loudly, gripping onto your hips as you bounced on his length, his eyes rolling back in his head as your heat engulfs him over and over. Pulling him deeper and deeper. 

The fat tip of his cock presses deliriously, perfectly rubbing over your walls with every slick slide. Stretching you so wonderfully like he was made for you. He was, he really, really was. Something was bothering him today, and he was finding solace in you. You were happy to give it to him. Pushing all other thoughts out of your head. 

He whines, babbling nonsensically with his eyes closed, “please, please, please,” He rocks up against you, letting his body override his brain as you fuck him into the mattress. “Please, gonna come, please, need you so much,” he gasps, almost sobbing from pleasure. 

You stroke his cheek and pick up your pace, even if he hasn’t said you could tell how close he was. The way his stomach muscles tense, how his eyes are screwed shut and head thrown back into the pillow, “it’s okay, it’s okay, you can come, give it all to me.”

He shakes his head rapidly, “no, please,” he moans, “need you, need mommy to come, please.” 

His whines change in pitch, the little sounds getting higher and higher as he reaches the point of no return. His mouth hangs open, his skin flushed and sweaty, and heat floods to your core. 

You brace yourself with your left hand on his leg behind you as you ride him, leaning back ever so slightly to change the angle just enough that he continuously hits perfectly inside, stretching you to your limit. 

Santi sobs, the position change sending a buzz up his spine, pressing on the thick length of his cock to a surprisingly maddening degree. His whole body pulsed, stealing the air from his lungs.

He bucks up once, his eyes fluttering open in surprise as he comes, his length pulsating. He empties himself deep inside you, his orgasm stretching onwards and overtaking every possible thought. 

You smile as you watch him, happy to see him so blissed out. You ride him throughout his high, trying to prolong his sensations as long as possible. He deserved it.

He sighs, shivering with aftershocks as he comes back to himself and looks up at you. You open your mouth to speak, the words on the tip of your tongue.

Santi grabs you by the hips, urging you up and off him and pulling your aching pussy onto his face. He lets out a small groan at the mess he made, his cum leaking out of your folds before he runs the tip of his tongue through them. 

You bite back a moan, grabbing onto his hair for stability as his mustache brushes against your clit.

His mouth feels like heaven as he lick and swirls around your clit, his movements soft but certain, quickly pushing you towards your peak.

Instinctively you buck your hips, grinding down on his mouth to chase your high. He rocks you against him, urging you tp move and fuck his eager tongue. 

“Santi…” you whine as you come hard against him, pulling fiercely on his hair. 

He continues licking, moaning against you as he drinks down every drop of your release. 

You breathe heavily, boneless for a moment before slowly moving away to lay down next to him. 

He pouts a little as you settle. “I wasn’t finished.” He smiles cheekily, your cum shining all over the bottom half of his face,

You giggle, and gently swat his arm and cuddle up next to him. Santi didn’t need instruction, scooting his back to your chest. In your arms, where he belonged. You loved being like this with him, but somehow it always felt like something was missing. You loved when Javi used to hold you, protecting you with a strong arm around your body, but again, you felt like something was missing, in your arms this time instead of around you.

You kiss the scar on his spine. “Good boy, Santito.”

It happened so fast. Santi teanses and you barely have a second to register how he turns to you, his eyes widen in panic, his skin turning ashen before he’s up, out of bed and pulling on his clothes so fast that it shouldn’t have been possible. What the fuck? Did you do something wrong?

“Santi?” you start, trying to keep your voice soft but unable to hide the fear that has overcome your words.Why is he leaving? What did you do wrong? Did you mess up things with Santi too, the one good thing left? You barely sit up before he’s shoving a handful of dollars at you, practically just throwing them in your direction and the bed. 

“Here.” His voice is quiet, distant. Like he’s not really there. A stark comparison to his panicked, edgy movements. He doesn’t even bother tying his shoes, simply shoving his feet inside them and stumbling towards the door.

“Wait, Sant-”

He slams the door on his way out. 

Leaving your bed cold, and you alone.

It was supposed to be sex, talking. Build a nice repour. That was it. You were good at it too, making old ugly men think you were infatuated, but yourself detached from even the most charming and attractive. Something happened with Javi and Santi, a line that became blurred, friendship and genuine attraction and care. Now they were gone. 

You hate yourself for how hard you cry.

***************

thank you so much to everyone whose stuck around while i sort my SHIT OUT (its never ending)

If you like me writing javi, i wrote a drable today too, and if you wanna see a totally insane version of santi, come to rooms on fire!

be sure to give @my-secret-shame-but-fanfiction a follow, he's amazing and my everything. they are pumping out AMAZING works rn for the moon knight bingo.

I appriciate you all very very much, please let know your thoughts in the comment!!!

I know you've stuck around for this song, please drop a comment and say hiiiiii!!!!

follow @romana-updates for more!

@runa-falls @lunar-ghoulie @campingwiththecharmings @whatthefishh @persephone-girl @criticalarchitecture @not-a-unique-snowflake-blog @beelzebeth87 @pimosworld @millerscoffee @heareball @thatwonderouswoman @poolb @meveispunk @lovable-liar @millllenniawrites @read-and-wip @missdictatorme @the-fox-den @milkymoon2483 @k-ra @ramblers-lets-get-ramblin @rosellacwrites @legendary-pink-dot @dreamingofbucky @englandsgray @starsthatwatch @fairlyang @alwaysmicado @theywhowriteandknowthings @casa-boiardi @lostfleurs @ninebluehearts @puglover12 @sub-aro @laiisleiite @itspdameronthings @heareball @comfortlessjoy @csarab615 @calaveramangonda @bit-dodgy-innit @stevngrant @kirsteng42 @mrsjavierp @nanfafnan @lovable-liar @axshadows @cookielovesbook-akie @reallyrallyauthor @solar-fics

[bartholomew-junior]

23 25 26... hmm. maybe sips ANd erina And gothi (unless you dont feel like that feel free to just choose one of them cause. 6 entire different answers to think) <3<3

EEEEEEEEEEEEEEEE thank u circular 4 ur boon of kindness. it is appreciated. apologies for the wait, as i had to let the ideas for this ripen be4 properly answering. i’m gonna start the first ask off with gothi from ep.10.

first of all, i just love her mask and am permanently sad that she never gets to wear it again. bonus for foreshadowing face reveal a few episodes down the line and making her an incredibly ominous cryptid like presence kind of. i just think she’s neat. next is erina in ep.32:

honestly i was really tempted to use a frame from when she was xanu possessed cuz it looked real fuckin cool, but i think this one’s more meaningful. she’s sympathizing with sips for once instead of trying to one up him (at least after a bit) and realizing how tough shit must’ve been for him. agh they make me insane. next is sips from ep.15:

from right after he ate bou claire’s heart. the buildup narration to him looking into the mirror is, ,, agghhh. the fact this was used to promo merch is funny also.

now for q. 25: technically, my first impression of gothi was her getting sips to do karaoke while drunk (lol) and that being the catalyst for EVERYTHING (this campaign is the equivalent of a snowball rolling down a hill). but now, it was her kind of managing and trying to quell sips’ anger best she could along with erina.

erina was just a memelord to me lol. sips wasn’t in the best condition the first few episodes, so my first impression was just that he was a bottomless pit of rage. now looking at the early episodes feels like looking at alpha minecraft in comparison to 1.21, especially without xanu or abby. sneeze was just a little guy.

ok freebie question time. i’m gonna pick q. 22 even tho there hasn’t been a new fic at all on ao3 since i updated my own fic (which makes sense considering we’ve kinda already met the goal of the series even if there’s a lot of stuff on the horizon). and i’ll pick all 3 of them + xanu for this cuz. why not

sips: a lot of the fics on ao3 4 this fandom are oneshots, so there isn’t much they’re able to explore if they’re low word counts, but my dream sips-centric fic would be like. a collection of missed/deleted scenes from his early life and time in ammurin with a kind of dream/void/death motif. bonus points if he’s trans

erina: i haven’t seen ANYTHING about her early life in kylandria being the child of busy royal entertainers, hell even her weapons are like a carnival trick, so i’d really like to see a bit of early life stuff again. are you sensing a trend. also her just dealing with royalty is fun and i have many ideas

gothi: early life again. listen she was a whole ass princess who was allowed to exist only because of her rank she was under so much pressure all of the time, especially with being buddies with xanu. did she ever talk to another defective foreclaimer. who are her parents. did they love her. ugh. also, seeing her interact with vicky is something i haven’t really seen before, so that’d be fun.

xanu: listen. i feel like he’d be the hermit on the high mountain type never interacting with anyone like thanos after killing half the universe. also, i feel like a lot of aspects of his character get discarded in favor of making him easier to digest and write, which i’ve done, and this does not do him any service. i think making all the fools gold cast kind of,, mlp headcanon designified is also fun and i want to do it. also bonus vicky

in conclusion: thank u circular <3333333 :]] :), i hope this isn’t miserably long. i’ve been all worded out for the day. do u ever think abt how vicky and sips are parallels and

[the-moon-lullaby]

MCL's Headcanons requests OPEN !

Hiii ! MCL is coming to an end (and MCL New Gen is coming, isn't that exciting ?) so in the name of the good old days I wanted to go and write some headcanons about our dear LI (also because I need to do something else rather than writing essays for uni but that's a whooole other story). I remember enjoying writing about MCL back in the days (I even wrote a fic that's how much I enjoyed it I guess) so why not do it again with another format ! Feel free to send me your requests and I'll do my best to answer it !

Little disclaimer before tho :

I won't write about topics such as abuse, self-harm,etc... (the world is already negative enough, we don't do that here guys). Nothing against a little angst ofc but let's keep it entertaining as the goal is not to make anyone feel down after reading these headcanons. This is a safe space so let's keep it that way ;)

The more specific the better ! That way there's no misunderstanding and your request will be properly completed (no harm in being a little vague but hence the result might be too) + specify about which opus you're referring to (High School, Uni, Love Life, etc...)

I will write trying to stick to the characters as they are in the game but you know, I do have my own opinions and perceptions of them so I hope you don't mind if I allow myself to let it slip here and there.

NSFW's okay (no shame in spicing things up, right ?) but it'll resonate with the first point : I won't write about abusive scenarios or anything as such so as long as you're not requesting about things like that, everything's fine ! However I'd rather if it doesn't become the main content of this blog so please keep that in mind.

No need to send your request multiple times, don't worry one is enough

And just a little reminder that this is entirely for entertainment (no pressure, see ?)

Just so you guys know, I have a soft spot for wholesome/fluff headcanons but I also love angst (and that's a nice contradiction) but that make sense since I am a Nath's girl I guess ?

I might do some prompts in the future so if you have some ideas, please don't hesitate to share them. In the meantime, I'll try to find a list of nice prompts :)

If you have any questions, feel free to ask them and I think that all there is to say !

Byeee

Evelyn

[adamnablelittledevil]

@probablynottola thank you for tagging me! I love this games and also love Ted Lasso! I almost used it here, but thought the answers would be too repetitive so went with something different hehe.

Rules: Choose any three fandoms (in random order) and answer the questions, then tag 10 people you want to know better

@black-market-wd4o, @voiddusk, @kaokhss, @ellavrena, @jaypentaghast, @andy4yippee, @unhinged-nonsense, @gayboymolloy, @hearfrost, @waterghoulcalamity

P.S. As I edited this on my drafts, some of the blogs I'd successfully tagged got unmarked and I don't know why? So I'm keeping it anyway in case it does show up on the notifications or people see it on their dash and want to play. No pressure tho. ^^ x

I choose:

Interview With the Vampire.

Stranger Things.

Shadow and Bone (going with the books because I'm not caught up on the show, but I did love season 1!).

The first character you loved:

Lestat, but things shifted pretty quickly to Louis, Claudia, Armand, Louis again and so on... But I guess he was the first because I wish I had his confidence.

El.

Alina.

The character you relate to most:

I relate to a lot of things with all of them, the least would be Daniel, but I still have one or two things in common with him. It's hard to say, but I think Claudia is a safe choice. She's definitely one of them and could definitely be the very first.

Will.

It depends, but Alina or Genya.

The character you'd slap:

ALL OF THEM except Claudia.

Lonnie. Would happily kill him with my bare hands.

The Darkling. Would happily give him the slowest, loneliest and most painful death in the world tbh.

Three favorite characters in order of preference:

Like I said, at this point it really depends on the episode. Sometimes I don't know who to choose even on one scene with just two people. Things are that balanced for me, which is a testimony of how mind-blowing the acting and writing are on this show. It's so satisfying to not be able to choose because all the options are amazing, I hope that never changes.

Will, El, Mike.

Alina = Mal, Genya.

A character you liked at first but don't like anymore:

Santiago. I hate him as a person, love him as a character, cheered when he died and applaud Ben Daniels for his amazing work. All reactions can and do coexist in me.

The only one I can think about is One? I mean, he is supposed to be the character you root against because of spoilery reasons, but I did like him at first. And I did see that plot twist coming from miles away. And it was still one of my favorite scenes from all time anyway because it was that powerful to see. Emmy material. And while I root against him, I still love him as a character. Wow. Such an upgrade in that category of specific type of characters. I love it.

I don't think there's one? Now that I'm thinking about it, I believe this story actually didn't have any traitors or characters that frustrated me? I started and finished the books loving/hating the same people, the only ones that I changed my opinion about grew on me after their development, never the other way around. Unless I'm forgetting something.

A character you did not like at first but now do:

Armand. It was more of a neutral opinion than dislike or hate. There wasn't much to know about him on season 1, but now... I'm obsessed. Assad is a wonderful actor, he stole the scene several times and gave me some of my favorite moments in the history of television.

Steve. I think the writers didn't know what to do with him at first, so he behaved in bad ways that really don't make sense with the person he turned out to be. It wasn't even like "wow, what a great character development", because he has absolute no signs of that guy anymore. It just feels like a totally different character at this point, but in a good way. He's my favorite among the teenage characters.

Zoya.

Three OTPs:

So I don't have OTPs that easily, it depends a lot on the writing, chemistry and the characters having a good amount of screen time for a pairing to get on OTP level for me. But here we go:

OTP

SHIP that has potential to become otp depending on future development

Ship I like and I root for, but some things are still missing for me OR there's probably not enough time left for it to become a full otp at this point

LOUSTAT? Okay, these two I'm not sure if they are a ship or straight-up OTP to me, I'm still figuring it out, but they're my favorite so far. Also, the church scene and the hug are my top 3 of favorite scenes on the show and some of my favorite on anything I've ever watched. I think Loustat will go down in history not only as one of the biggest pairings on TV shows, but also as the only one that fully explored all the depths of a relationship and even the depths of existence for the characters as individuals. The good, the bad, the ugly, the complicated. There's nothing else out there with that caliber of writing, chemistry, details and layers. At least not so far. And I'm in for it. ARMANDIEL, I need more time, but I'm invested. I haven't read the books, but everything I hear about Devil Minion sounds so compelling. And that scene with young Daniel is the other scene from my IWTV top 3. It's one of my favorite scenes ever as well. The chemistry was out-of-this-world and I hope they develop their dynamic on both timelines. LESMAND, I need more and I'm incredibly invested too. Everything about them on the books just sounds so insane. That scene they had alone, the chemistry was fantastic and so hypnotizing... They could be as explosive as Loustat, but in a totally different way if the writers want. I'll probably still root for the endgame ships, because that's what they'll spend more time with anyway, but I could accept any, each and everything they give me because the chemistry between all the duos is that incredible. Even Loumand, that sank pretty fast in the narrative, I loved their flirty and courtship phase so much. I'd also accept a large polyamorous ship if they gave me, but we know those vampires would kill each other and themselves because they can't really share lol. But I'm just enjoying the ride and having a great time.

BYLER, Jancy, Elmax.

MALINA, Genya x David, Nadia x Tamar (tbh that's the only other ship I remember/think that exists on the books and I'm neutral, but Nadia is AWESOME and I love her).

[dropthedemiurge]

15 people, 15 questions

Got tagged by @xagan (you're amazing and I already knew it but what is Lima Lama?!) and @istilldontunderstand (all hail being jack of all interests and useless to capitalism! very relatable) and @non-binarypal7 (didn't know you eanted to do environmental activism! That's so cool)

1. Are you named after anyone?

No, I have one of the most typical names in my country. But it's good that every person has several nicknames here, I have more than 15! 😆 And I love my name because it's unisex.

2. When was the last time you cried?

I don't usually cry in life beside RSD triggers so I allow myself to feel things while watching movies and reading fanfics... Probably shed a tear recently during 5th episode of Twins (hello to exhausted, overworked and underappreciated Sprite)). Honestly, some good angst fics do make me cry, I love angst fics and catharsis.

3. Do you have kids?

No, and I'm not good with them until they are the age where I can teach them many hella cool nerdy things. But I'm learning now with my sister's toddler, I'm out of my comfort zone but she says he likes me already so I win xD I can definitely see myself as a good mentor to kids/teens later but parent? Probably a bad one.

4. What sports do you play/have you played?

I have ADHD so I have tried swimming, martial arts, ballet and gymnastics. I was kicked out of 2 of those xD But I do love table tennis, like volleyball and I was acrobatic cheerleader for a few years!

5. Do you use sarcasm?

Yeah, I love using it in a very playful manner among friends - which is not a typical thing, as I know. On the other hand, when I get angry or someone hurts/attacks me, I actually turn to a very cold, official and diligently spelled out style. Hurt my feelings? I am writing you a letter aka A.Burr :D

6. What’s the first thing you notice about people?

Their vibes! I might not remember how they look or what's their name later, but I'm definitely noticing and reading you through vibes. Same with discords, most likely.

7. What’s your eye color?

Grayish blue. I get told that I have really nice eyes (even strangers in foreign countries keep telling me that for some reason unprompted). My friends, tho, say I have drugged eyes with large pupils so i guess, that's compliment too xD

8. Scary movies or happy endings?

Horror movies are porn substitution, and I'm ace so the answer is obvious. Deserved happy ends are good!

9. Any talents?

Hmmm being always curious and hence, learning many new awesome skills? It's something I always encourage others to do, too.

10. Where were you born?

Russia unfortunately or fortunately? i'm still figuring it out

11. What are your hobbies

Creating media+tech things (ranging from IG filters to making my own mini games), translating (Russian, English, Korean and currently learning Thai), drawing fanarts (one day hopefully webtoons...), writing fics (currently learning nice storytelling in English)

12. Do you have any pets?

Yes, a very fluffy black-white Cheshire Cat. He's as mischievous as you can guess ^W^

13. How tall are you?

1.65

14. Favorite subject in school?

Informatics, Arts, sitting in school library and reading everything after classes

15. Dream job?

I have a bucket list of all skills/professions that I want to try, and I've currently crossed off most of them, except for gamedev. I ever wrote articles about K-pop and Thai BLs professionally!

I keep changing jobs every year oops but I still manage to be not bad at them. I think I can suit some place that needs brainstorming, making art and coding together! But it's a career that I'm trying to kickstart now Тт For now I'm a bit too busy with returning to Korea...Hopefully, one day I'll stop getting bored of jobs ^^'

That was fun, thank you guys! Not tagging anyone to save from pressure but you can tag me to read through yours or tag yourself with my blessing :]

[stygianheart]

inspired by your post asking for headcanons, i, in fact, do not have any to give you. i do come with questions tho!!

will koby like. ever get used to being around luffy? like one day he'll blush a bit less, in the very least. also is the easy and super red blush a koby thing or a koby-being-like-that-specifically-about-luffy thing?

ALSO UNRELATED TO THAT BUT is koby always in the verge of breaking down? after the chapter where he's (rightfully) very pissed and screams about the situation they're in, it got me thinking if it was not just what was happening that caused that reaction, but also weeks or more of constant stress he has to keep in check frequently, or else he'll snap just as bad/even worse as he did that day.

(when i say stress it's more like... beyond his profession? like not only about his job but other things too, as minimal as they are, that keep adding and make him have to keep a great hold of himself to not break.)

Even better, questions. I adore questions, it gets the rusty gears in my head moving.

*pulls up chair and desk* YAY NOW TIME TO ANSWER—

Fortunately for Koby, he will finally get used to being around Luffy. Might take a while, since they’ll have to meet up in secret, but one day, he won’t be a tomato every time he sees Luffy. Though personally, I feel like he’ll still blush a smidge whenever Luffy compliments him, which ties into the next question. Since it’s practically canon that Koby is an ex-crybaby, I like to think that he gets flustered by compliments from anyone quite easily, not just Luffy. However, him turning EXTREMELY red is a Luffy-Only reaction, one that Luffy probably likes a whole lot.

As for the second question: yes. Koby’s a young man of his pretty high status, so he feels like everything had to, while not being perfect, he as close to it as possible. He’s like a naturally stressed out and worried guy, and as the top ranking officer of his own ship, he has the weight of at least a couple dozen marines’ lives in his hands. He feels like it’s his duty to make sure that everyone on his ship is safe (hence him jumping off a cliff with a bomb in his hands.) But during this mission with the Straw-Hats, it’s a different type of pressure/stress. As we know, it’s been Koby’s dream to be a marine since god knows what age, Oda’s never told us. Yet he’s coming to face the harsh truth (once again) that his dream heroes (the Navy/Marines) aren’t as perfect as he grew up thinking they were: they’re corrupted and negligent to those of lower status, and rather biased. Koby, as a *cough* friend *cough* of Luffy, probably doesn’t completely understand why the Marinez hate him so much, and as the hours tick by, he’s only discovering worse things about the people he used to idolize. Which will likely lead to Koby confronting the higher-ups when all is said and done. Who knows. Maybe he’ll blackmail them into allying with Luffy.

Thank you SO MUCH for the ask!!!!!

[sayakxmi]

[Magi rewatch] Episode 14: Alibaba’s Answer [Part 2]

With no context it's like they're just chatting

This is still so fucking hilarious. The fact that he just went and said, yeah, pretend we didn't lose any right and all that, pretty please

She needed a moment to process it.

I feel like the manga showed better how Alibaba's 100% aware his argument is bullshit, but this one might be a bit overthinking on my part. In the manga simply Alibaba's and Ka Koubun's thoughts align, where here we only get Ka Koubun being like this is bs, and Alibaba thinking the argument is forced. It's not as jarring as many other changes, but can be misunderstood if you're not paying attention.

When the princess actually decides to tell the Emperor about some bratty prince's pseudoarguments, rather than disregard them entirely right away.

It's a slight difference here. In the manga Alibaba thinks more about Kougyoku's lack of authority and the fact that she doesn't want to get married, while in the anime he comments how she folds easily under pressure, and then the marriage thing. Obviously, I like the manga version more - there's more of Alibaba understanding the circumstances, but the anime isn't that bad either, as it frames it as him just being able to read her that easily.

One day his bs will save your country, you don't even know

Still, you gotta appreciate the fact that she didn't actually fold that easily.

Also, yeah, yeah, Kougyoku spam. She's my beautiful daughter, I'll do what I want.

Your time to shine, Womanizer of the Seven Seas (fuck you, tho, not literally)

But also Jesus fuck. I wasn't sure bc of the wording, tho looking back, yeah, it was obviously that, but he's just saying that, yeah, Balbadd's joining the SSA, so it'd be hard for the Emperor to try to conquer Balbadd, and I'm like, bro, you've been waiting for this moment.

Ok, a change, in the manga Sinbad is surprised to have Alibaba join in. And also Alibaba is, once again, much calmer about it. Here he does kinda look like he's clutching at straws, while in the manga he was talking like it was obvious, how did you not know about it?

But also, it does make me think about that time he later used Sinbad's name to get the pirates sent to Sindria, rather than potentially becoming slaves and all that. It's kind of funny. But in his defence, Sinbad started, and he just rolled with it, and also later did the same again, so.

God, she looks so tired.

Can't blame you, girl.

Grl no

The way he's just running after her yelling "Himegimi! Himegimi!" XDDD

"This really just happened?"

The way his shoulders just fell

Proud dad

Honestly, that's a really sweet moment

Shame it's about to get really, really bad soon

Grl no

GRL NO

NO GRL NO HE'S AN ASSHOLE

Live Ka Koubun reaction

Ok, so, stuff changed. In the manga Alibaba tells them more to do, Sahbmad & Barkak included, while some stuff is skipped, which, alright, but then we have Barkak being like, yea, people will call for our execution alongside the previous kind, so let us atone for our sins by death, and like ???? First of all, in the manga it's Alibaba who says that people will want 23rd executed, but he'd rather send him to be held in confinement, since he still doesn't want to kill his own brother, and then he's like there's no laws yet, anyway. In the naime there's, like I've said, this whole Barkak being yo so we're gonna die, too, k, and Alibaba's like how about no there's no laws for it anyway, I need you guys to help build a republic, and like. Is it for the sake of drama or what. Also he kinda makes it sound like he wants 23rd to help, too, he doesn't even mention the confinement.

Kinda lmao

speech time

Huh, I thought it'd be a bit longer, but we cut to Banker really fast

I mean. It looks a little silly. I know it's about there being a lot of them, but it looks like these birds are simply that big

I can't believe Aladdin just exploded

Bye bye, Aladdin!

Ok, back to speech. And also the building is so pretty.

How loud is he speaking, actually.

Oh, hi there, in the manga... tbh, I don't think we know where you are in the manga.

You're about to stop smiling very, very soon

: ' )

Also, ngl, The Bravery is growing on me a little bit. It has that nostalgic feel to it, y'know? It reminds me about SAO's Crossing Field a little.

[golbrocklovely]

so this video was interesting to me for a lot of reasons. i definitely liked it more, i think, than tommy and foolish's but i think that's also bc so much more happened.

first off, i think the girls did excellent for their first investigation. they weren't too freaked out, even tho they had every right to be, and i liked their overall presence in the video. they seem pretty cool :)

now… as for the place they went to….

ngl, it seemed a bit freaky, for sure. i'm a little confused how all of the documentation of a place can be burned and yet ppl still know everything about it, but i digress lol

god knows there's probably some stuff that slipped thru the cracks and found it's way into history books.

i think the main issue i had with this video is the lack of physical evidence. i'm not one to discount other ppl's experiences. i believe them all when they say they felt something was there, or was watching them, or they saw something that the camera didn't catch. i'm not gonna argue that.

what i am gonna argue is this: if you truly feel like you are hearing things when no one else is, feeling touched or pressure on your body…. leave. step outside and center yourself. and if it seems to be a reoccurring issue, don't stay there. i feel terrible for niki bc she was getting the worse of it. but girl… walk outside. there's no way i would be chilling in a set of caves allowing ghosts to cop a feel for an hour lol i would be such a bitch about it, they would want me out of those caves asap.

but she's nicer than me so i get why she stayed.

i just feel like in places like that, where it's mostly feelings rather than evidence like devices going off, it becomes an echo chamber. one person freaks out, and bc you care about them, you start freaking out as well. and so on and so forth. and i think that's why investigations that take place in those type of locations, you need to have some form of grounding exercise or something that can center you. and not just being saged outside before walking in.

i always carry or have on two crystal necklaces that i've had for years now. i don't even know if they're real crystals, but bc they make me feel at peace, i make sure to always have them with me regardless. and i think bc none of them had anything like that, things spiraled very fast.

hell, i usually have my crystals on when i do tarot, let alone if i went into a place like this.

i don't fault any of them (except maybe snc bc they should know better by now) for not knowing what to do in situations like this. i can only imagine how fucking weird it must have felt.

the only point i want to argue is that when they were talking about "oh i feel this pressure on my chest, like it's hard to breathe"…. you're hundreds of feet down in the earth. that's gonna happen. the air in the caves is probably from the 1800s. literally body juice (ew) is leaking into the caves. it's not the healthiest air down there.

but aside from all of that, i think the video was really good. the estes methods were both interesting and creepy all at the same time. i hate when colby did the estes method and it was all sexual and pervy… no thanks. i also DESPISE that colby went into a trance for a minute when they went down into the lowest part, or hell. absolutely FUCK NO BABYYYY lol

i think the medium/guide they had was an interesting character, and i feel bad that she felt so emotional towards whatever was following them. also, it was very weird to see something want to attack colby, bc that usually happens to sam. so… i wonder why that was the case. but i have an idea as to why that happened (i'm gonna be answering an ask that talks about it in case you want to know).

overall, great video. enjoyed the collab. maybe if snc are in the uk again, they can collab with niki and gee. can't wait for the next video, which should be daz !

let me know what you guys thought about the video :)

[snickerdoodlles]

✨What's a fic you've posted you wish you could breathe life into again and have people talking about it? (or simply a fic you wish got more credit)

(prev) hmm, maybe Hair-Trigger? like, it got a good response, i'm very grateful to everyone who's read it ❤❤❤ i don't mean in a 'im looking for more hits' sort of way, i just really love Porsche & Kim as a duo and spin them around in my head like a shiny rock all the time. this mostly manifests in me spamming tortoise with Kim & Porsche snippets and thoughts that never seem to flesh out into proper fics, so Hair-Trigger has a special spot in my heart because it's my one finished Porsche & Kim fic and I want everyone to look at Porsche being extremely fond of Kim and Kim feeling all sorts of things about how fond Porsche seems to be of him (surely???? this is a trick????? he is so nice and smiley????????? a mystery)

💫what is your favorite kind of comment/feedback?

i like them all!! i genuinely enjoy all "types" of comments for different reasons, it feels weird to rank them against each other. so long as the comment is excited to engage with me/gush over idiot nerds together, i'm excited to answer and chat with them (although, i am. very behind on my inbox rn. hjghjg im sorry friends, i promise i will respond even tho it might be v late 😂💦)

💘Is there any posted fic you want to rework/re-edit/re-write?

I've actually been rewriting a *checks date* 5.5 yr old yoi WIP (*winces*) for a while now. very slow as my attention gets drawn away, but i love epistolary fic and there's a funny satisfaction without pressure to re-writing it.

but the story rewrite that actually has been sitting on my head for...forever really, is my ft story Jinxed. i was very new to fandom/writing fic when i first posted it, and at the time i'd just posted what i wrote and then went "...wait, how the fuck do you write a multi-chapter story???" and i really psyched myself out of posting more for it.

however, it's always like...sat in the back of my head, even after the fandom bullshit and when ft went to shit. because i just...don't like soulmate/soulmark AUs. 😅 the reasons behind my dislike for the trope are uh...kinda long and extensive actually, so i'll save that for a different post if anyone cares enough to ask, but the premise in this story of two girls with mismatched timers who fall in love and choose each other anyways is one i'm extremely drawn to. and i'm still like, figuring out how to write long stories, and i'm never going to write again for ft, so whenever i look over the old story drafts and notes, i'm actually thinking about it as an original story. not one i've started and maybe i'll stumble into a fandom that i want to apply this premise to, but...after i figure out long-form stories, i really want to swing by this one again, if simply to have it stop haunting my brain every few months.

(rest under the cut because i am rambly lol)

🌈is there a fic that you worked *really fucking hard on* that no one would ever know? maybe a scene/theme you struggled with?

hmm Silver for Truth is the obvious one since i whined about it taking a yr+ to write, but i think everyone understands when i say Tawan is an annoying ass bitch to write.

i'm actually going to cheat and say the freezer!Kim WIP i'm writing with @majestictortoise. there's a few different POVs in this story and one of them is Porsche's POV, and there is something about Porsche's POV specifically that i find very hard to capture. even when i know what i want from his arc and character struggles, post-canon Porsche carries around some conflicting beliefs and mindsets that i find really tricky to write, plus he's also a guy of action who's been forced to a standstill and i want to capture that trapped feeling without making it obnoxious. he's just tricky to me in a way that other characters aren't. (i actually ran into this issue with Hair-Trigger too, except it wasn't so hard because that's a fic about him Doing A Thing He Wants To Do, which is why i was able to write it within the timeframe i did. oh Porsche, ilu, why do u stick in my head so. orz)

🦋what are you most insecure about when you post a fic?

everything? idk, my reaction after i post a fic is to either Stare At My Inbox or desperately try to distract myself from the fact that i Posted A Fic, which really go to show how secure i feel about my writing 😂 i try very hard not to let a fic's reception get to me when i post because i've been down that road and it's really bad for me. all fic i post is fic for me, but i haven't hit the carefree attitude of "idc what you think, its for me first and foremost" yet.

🌻what makes you want to give up on writing? what makes you keep going?

there's nothing that makes me want to give up on writing specifically. i wail and cry when stuff isn't flowing right, but like. so i had an irl thing run me over like a truck april/may of this year and it's bullshit kept spilling out through june and july too, so i had like no time or energy to write or even spend much time on fandom stuff for four months, and i went absolutely bananas. i need to do something creative to feel good, and writing is my favorite of those.

posting...posting is a different story 😂 weirdly if im chasing the high of posting a fic/the high of comments on fic, i dont like to post as much. the hill in my head is too much to get around, so that ig.

🌿how does creating make you feel?

*points up*

also prev

🍉in what ways has writing helped you process trauma and/or navigate through your own life?

...this is such a weird question lmao (not u, the person who made the question list should have deleted this). i've always found writing as a good way of examining my internal biases and preconceptions i might not have otherwise had opportunity to find and reflect upon so clearly, and i'm going to leave it at that.

🎈describe your style as a writer; is it fixed? does it change?

fuck if i know what my writing style is 😂

🎀give yourself a compliment about your own writing

*curls up in more shy* hmm, i really like reading my own stories. like, i always have cyclic periods of "oh god this is garbage what the fuck was i thinking" feelings for each of my fics, but i know now that feeling is brief and it'll be gone soon enough and it will stay gone longer than it comes. the person who reads my stories the most is me, and the fact that i want to go back to read them again is really important to me.

🎉how often do you celebrate completing & posting a work? how often do you give yourself the credit/validation that you seek from others when you post? (if you don't, you should!)

i don't think i linger so much on the actual posting of the fic, but i return to my fics a lot and i've also started paying more attention to how much i post. i'm trying to find a balance between acknowledging that i posted stories vs "oh god, im not posting ENOUGH," but back at the turn of this year, i was really bummed that i didn't get as much posted during december as i had set out to do, specifically because i felt like 2021 had been a really strong year and i'd let myself down not finishing as many fics in 2022. then i actually checked my AO3 stats for 2021 to 2022, and realized i'd posted 4x as much in 2022 than i had in 2021. over 100k words altogether even!

i think i'm getting off topic, but between rereading my own stuff pretty frequently and trying to get a better grasp on how much i've actually posted vs what's in my head, i think i celebrate pretty often? idk 😂

💞what's the most important part of a story for you? the plot, the characters, the worldbuilding, the technical stuff (grammar etc), the figurative language

characters!!! everything's built around the characters. i love worldbuilding, making up worlds is a lot of fun, but i worldbuild through the lens of "what am i interested in?" (which starts with characters) and "how does this affect x?" (because if it doesn't matter to/affect the character, it shouldn't be a priority to me). similarly, plots exist for me to put Specific Guys Into Situations. a plot can be objectively interesting, but i'm not going to stick to it if i don't care about the people going thru it, my brain just doesn't focus like that.

the actual writing of the story is lowest priority on my list. there's a lot of writing types i don't like, but i can muscle thru a lot in the name of a good cast or plot. similarly, i don't give a flying fuck how pretty or polished a writer thinks their sentences are, if the actual story is boring or OOC, i am not reading it. or i am reading it and bitching extensively in friends DMs, which is worse. 😂

💝what is a fic that got a different response than you were expecting?

honestly, hard for me to answer because i'm actively trying not to think about what sort of response i do get. i guess one that still amuses me quite a bit is the response to my fic Shining Dishonesty (howls moving castle AU for haikyuu!!). i love this story to bits and i really love the comments i have on it, but it's weird/funny to me because it's my most recommended and mentioned fic on twitter, but it's one of my lowest in terms of kudos & comments. idk what's up with that 😂

🤍what's one fic of yours you think people didn't "get"?

*big shrug emoji* nothing that comes to mind???

maybe Silver for Truth, just a little bit???? everyone got the message of "get fucked Tawan" but there was also a little more pity for Tawan than i'd expected. like, not really, because Tawan's annoying, but i don't know that everyone quite caught Khun's trap for Tawan in it. Tawan could've completely turned things around for Vegas and ruined Kinn's lie by confessing his own failures/betrayals and accepting the consequences, except Tawan puts himself before all others, even someone he claims to love.

🕯️was there a fic that was really hard on you to write, or took you to a place you didn't think it would take you?

honestly? i don't remember the specific writing issues once something is done. even for something that takes me a while to write. usually my writing hang-ups are related to irl stressors. Pitch It was an extremely hard fic for me to write, but that was because it had a deadline attached to it while i was also trying to come up with money for a new car after my previous one was totaled 😂 and while i approach all stories with a vague plot in mind, it's purposefully vague so i can adapt to where's best for the story to go. that's the part i look forward to the most when writing lol.

💥find your least kudos'd fic - say something wonderful about it.

lol i don't even have to sort my stories to know which one is my least number of hits/kudos. it's by dawn's early light, which i wrote for the bnha myths zine, and it is literally one of my favorite fics i've ever written. there's some stuff i would've done differently now, but i liked it when i finished it, i liked even thru that fucking project's mess, and i liked it enough to post it after the project was finished, and that is probably the highest praises i can give that particular fic.

(this response probably doesn't make much sense to anyone who hasn't participated in a zine before and i'm not going to burden you with context if you haven't, but like. trust me. that's saying a lot 😂)

🍭why did you start writing?

to make a dick joke. i haven't changed.

💎why is writing important to you?

it's just fun. i really like doing it and i really like connecting with people over it/through it.

🪄what is your post-writing/sharing aftercare? How do you take care of yourself or celebrate yourself when you've finished a fic?

i re-read the story about a bajillion times in that first week. you'd think i'd be sick of it by the time it's posted, but the satisfaction of having finished something changes the way i read it and i just bask in that.

📡why is writing and sharing your writing important for fandom?

another terrible question in this otherwise nice questions list.

i like it, so i do it, and i'm lucky enough to have made friends through it.

🎙️which one of your fics would you like someone to make a pod-fic of?

i'm excited if anyone wants to make a podfic of my work and i give general permission for it, but it's not something i seek out specifically. i have very bad ears, it just doesn't really cross my mind.

🤲what do YOU get out of writing?

*points up however many questions ago* it's very fulfilling for me and i like it a lot. i'm lucky enough to have also made connections to others by way of writing, but first and foremost is i enjoy the actual act of it.

💋when you leave comments on a fic, do you want to hear back from the writer?

maybe? idk, i leave comments because i like to leave comments. i like hearing back, but its not like im leaving a comment looking for that. wrong mindset for this question, u know?

☯️how do you think engaging with each other through tumblr, twitter, comments, kudos, creates healthy fandom experiences? How do you deal with that if you're not a social person/experience social anxiety?

*sighs* this fucking questionnaire maker lmao.

responding to fics is fun for everyone. it's a great way to make new friends if that's the fandom experience you're hoping for (same goes for responding to edits, art, etc). if you're anxious to start talking to people or leaving comments or whatever, take the babysteps you need to try to push and expand your comfort zone. and be gentle on yourself -- there's no "right" way to interact with fandom, and you don't have to be perfect at what you want to do right away either.

but if that's not the way you want to interact with fandom, you don't have to. there's nothing wrong with "lurking" and frankly i care about my stuff being enjoyed (even if i never hear about it!), not the ~proper~ way to be in fandom or whatever. furthermore, my healthy fandom experience is regulating and maintaining my own reactions to the reception (or lack of) i get when i post so that it stays fulfilling for me, and that's how i create my healthy fandom experience.

🧿what steps do you take to not take things personally if a fic doesn't do well, or if your writing/posting/sharing experience isn't going how you'd like it to?

mostly i look inwards to see what exactly im dissatisfied with and examine why. there's plenty of stuff that i wish had a bigger reception, but i focus on things that i can control (what im happy with in a story, what i enjoyed about the process, talking about it more in my own blog space so people can choose to engage or ignore, etc) and push myself to that framework of mind. the worst thing you can do is focus on things you can't control, especially something as random and fickle as other people's reactions or a post/story hitting the trend wave just right.

💌share something with us about an up-and-coming work (WIP) that has you excited!

timeloop AU!! (prev)

timeloop AU will be 3 chapters + an epilogue. first chapter is Kim POV, the second one is Big POV, and third is Chay POV. Kim is the first one trapped in the timeloop. Big joins him later. Chay never does.

💌share something with us about an up-and-coming work (WIP) that has you excited!

in my fic Single Star Review, Khun goes to university and then starts seeking extra therapy help. i am Extremely excited for this one, but one of my favorite-favorite parts of it is Khun dismissively says "it's not like i can call Kim and gossip about boys" and Flop (the therapist, no that's not actually his name) asks Khun "why not" and Khun stares through a wall for a solid three minutes realizing hey, he CAN call Kim to talk about boys actually.

-later that night-

Khun: Kim! Kimmy-Kim my littlest kin! forget your other plans, tonight we are painting our nails and gossiping about BOYS

Kim: what the fuck

Khun: my therapist thinks i should try talking to you about stuff

Kim: THERAPIST?!

Khun: THAT'S NOT THE IMPORTANT PART HOW DO I HANDLE HAVING A CRUSH

(Kim is, ofc, over the moon and extremely excited when his brain catches up with his ears, even though he's a total little brother about it.)

💌share something with us about an up-and-coming work (WIP) that has you excited!

Red Line fic is the first installment of a 4-fic series (tortoise is laughing at me for thinking it'd stop with 1). mostly because it immediately dived into one of my favorite variations for how Chay kills Korn.

Korn's death is not a fix-it.

[wisteria-lodge]

lion primary + burnt secondary (bird secondary model) (badger secondary performance)

(note to OP - this is an ask that I substantially restructured in order to answer it properly. Everything's still here, just in a different order than how it was submitted.)

hope i’m not bothering you too much, but I was curious on your input from what i could be. i’ve been pretty torn these days on my sorting, but i think i’ve finally cracked the code somewhat w the help of your acc (ESPECIALLY the sort me asks. don’t even get me started…)

i think i’m a snake (maybe even burnt??) primary and burnt-ish??? lion secondary. i’m not sure what my models are—but i do get a badger feeling.

~ SECONDARY ~

i’m not a good decision maker. i usually ask “well what do you want” when going out w someone for food, or if i’m pressured to suggest smth, i’ll say smth generic i’m feeling for. 

if the people i love, or at least the people closest to me, don’t agree w smth i chose, then i’ll be like?? okay i guess i’ll just choose what you think… like the last time i went out w my best friend, i was getting dippin dots and chose banana split, but then my friend and our other friend (who works there) were baffled and said that was the worst flavor. i was like wait fr? huh… then… what do you guys recommend… they said chocolate. i got chocolate. i don’t rlly regret it bc it ended up tasting good, and i also got their approval in a way, i suppose.

Okay. Coming out of the gate with an "I hope I'm not bothering you" and then going into "I'm not a good decision maker," and THEN describing just being extremely passive... I'm thinking burnt Secondary. It's like you're not trusting yourself to problem-solve at all. It's possible that some of this inertia and tendency to gauge what the people around you are doing is coming from a burnt Primary... but it's just all so specific, small scale and practical that I'm leaning secondary for now.

(and thank you for the really specific, low-stakes examples, they will make things easier.)

i never rlly ask for anyone’s opinion tho. it feels bothersome to them, vulnerable to me, so rarely do i confide in someone’s thoughts. if i do, it’s at first subtle, and if that doesn’t work, fine, i’ll just awkwardly straight up say it. but that’s the last resort. usually i just try to rely on myself.

This rules out being a Burnt primary. Feeling like it's wrong to ask for help, bother people, take up space... that's a Burnt Secondary. I'm not sure what's underneath the burning now. You don't like asking for help (the Badger thing), you don't like asking subtly (the Snake thing) and you don't like just straight-up saying it (the Lion thing.) And that's really what a Burnt secondary means. Problem-solving methods don't bring you joy.

this comes a lot from my mom criticizing me when i try to ask for smth. i can hardly say anything to her without it being some comment. it’s so tiring. in the end, when i do have to, i’ll ask for help—but i try not to. and yet, i feel the right to ask for help sometimes, rlly only when it’s a matter of “you didn’t teach me how to do this, how should ik?! but you think i should somehow!” which is stupid. idk how you can expect someone to just instantly know how to do smth as if coded into them as a baby.

Yeah. This is how you burn a secondary. I'm sorry. From just this description, it sounds like you might be a Prep-work Secondary (Bird or Badger) and your mom might be an In-the-Moment Secondary (Lion or Snake.)

i feel bad when don’t do something my mom is asking me to do, like chores. i don’t particularly like washing dishes, but i do it in the end bc i think “mom would want me to, i have to help her,

I think this might just be a human thing. It could easily be coming from any primary.

ik she would hate it deep inside even if she represses any sort of emotion, blah blah."

That's an interesting thing to say about your mom, that almost certainly has bearing on her sorting. I'll keep that in mind.

i think another big example is continuing my college education on behalf of my mom bc i would just feel bad to let her down. i want peace. studying and having things shoved at you to do is not peace

Okay, college is a much *bigger* thing than just dishes, and tells me a little more about you. But what it tells me is just more burnt secondary stuff. If you don't know what flavor of Dippin Dots you want, you probably don't have any strong opinions about what you want to study, and you sadly seemed to be trapped in a cycle where everything is... kind of a chore, and a grind.

whenever i’m in public, i put on a cold exterior. better that people stay away from me and don’t bother me. the less for me to deal w the better. so, i’m generally p stoic, unless i absolutely have to plaster on a fake persona. it’s so hard to do tho, definitely rarely wanna ever keep up. very few people know my warmer side.

You're sounding very Actor Bird secondary here (or at least Bird secondary model.) You've got your armor, Stoic!You who is... safe. And Fake!You, which is a (presumably more cheerful, Badgery) performance that you hate.

when it comes to family, i just don’t wanna disappoint them mostly. there are moments where i will sacrifice myself, like when my cousin comes over sometimes to watch stuff w me, even if i’m tired, or don’t feel like it, i feel the need to follow through w it so i don’t let her down. i’d end up feeling guilty if i did.

Not wanting to disappoint your family is a feeling that can come from a lot of places. But in this case, it's not even lack of boundaries, it's more just 'not worth the fight.'

it always baffles me when my badger best friend is able to constantly put on a mask when she’s forced to socialize. and she’s forced to socialize a lot bc of her family. it would drive me insane.

Yeah, I'm pretty sure that you have a Badger performance that you absolutely hate.

i suppose i’m also scared of forming new attachments in general. i’m scared if i’m saying anything inappropriate, if i’m not fun, if i’ll possibly lose that person ig, and yet, i can cut off relationships quick, in a non direct way.

And here it is. There's a lot of fear, in both Burnt primaries and Burnt secondaries. And what you've got going on here... seems to be a version of 'if I do not try, then I cannot fail.' If you've got a persona designed to keep people away, then you don't have to worry about not being fun enough, not saying the right thing, not having to cut off the relationship (before they cut off you?) That sounds like it really, really hurts. I'm sorry.

~ PRIMARY ~

idrk what i want myself. it’s not like i don’t want to continue getting an education—i just don’t know what to do, so it feels pointless for the time being. but if not for college, i would feel more aimless, and i’d have to deal w any unwanted consequences from not going, whether it comes from my mom or the external world.

You feel very Internal to me. The only place the external world is making an appearance is as something that you occasionally have to *deal* with. The wanting connection, but feeling like it's too unsafe to go out and get it could point to Burnt Snake primary... or this sort of "pointless" but not necessarily unpleasant could point to a Lion primary who hasn't been *inspired* by anything yet.

in general i can be influenced by my people’s agenda and follow through w it. i would feel bad if i didn’t. like selfish. at the same time, i can be a selfish person. the person i care for most besides anyone else is me. i care about me, me, me. self-preservation is the biggest part of me, i think. i think another trait of snake primary is not caring for the general public. i don’t. my biggest priorities are myself, my care, and whoever i choose to care for at the moment.i’m just not someone who can serve [people] constantly, especially random people.

Fair enough. I would argue that everyone's first priority ought to be themselves, because if you're not doing that, how can you be doing much good anywhere else? If you're not taking care of yourself, that just means someone else is going to have to show up down the line to take care of you, probably after things have gotten much worse.

That said... I'm seeing the Snake. Feeling selfish that you're not adopting your loved one's "agenda" but very much not being a Badger.

i’m used to being alone and i like being alone… i’m someone who drifts from relationships easy. i don’t think much about it. sometimes i do feel a little guilty for not talking to some of my friends much but not rlly. it’s just something that… happens.

And then you say something like THIS which honestly sounds... so Lion. Of the four primaries, Lions are easily the most comfortable being loners. And when they're in a bad place (like if they've got a very burned secondary, for example) their instinct will be to get by themselves, and spend as much time alone as possible, in order to reconnect with themselves and heal.

but i’m getting sidetracked—i can be direct if something that tickles my morals seems off. even to the people i love. if my parents do smth i don’t agree w, i legit can’t help it, i burst out.

Um. That's Lion.

it’s a bit of a bad habit and gets me into trouble. i did this a lot as a kid too. i was actually a bit nasty as a kid, i think….

this happens more often than not w my family doe. i’m not nearly as explosive w anyone else. if someone does smth that messes w my morals, i act more calm about it, although most of the time, i just don’t bother to bring my thoughts.

Yeah, because you've got a pretty burnt secondary, so you'll be boiling over inside and still not DO anything... presumably until it gets really desperate, at which point you'll lash out with anything you think will work. Which at the moment mostly seems to be Lion secondary?

i think what confuses me the most is my rebellious nature. there are times where i will listen to my parents, and then those times where i will go against their beliefs. it’s an internal fight sometimes.

It is literally a fight between your primary and your secondary. You can hear your Lion primary say "DO THIS!" But your secondary says "we can't." And then if you feel the situation is important enough, the Lion primary finds a way to whip the burnt secondary into doing something. But it hurts.

i have a bit of a “don’t care” attitude. if there’s something i want that they don’t agree w, oh well.

"Sounds like a them problem, not a me problem." Very Lion.

this tends to come from my aesthetic. i like the darker side of things, which seems weird to my mom, and she always says “people won’t think you’re normal, you shouldn’t dress this way, it’s not right” but… i don’t care about what other people think… so why should i take that into consideration? some of our arguments come from this. what people think of me is not my problem. and what she thinks… sometimes… is also not my problem. this trips me up bc it’s rlly dependent. sometimes i care about what people close to me think and sometimes i don’t. sometimes i’m assured in myself, and a LOT of the times, i’m not. 

This also sounds like a Lion primary thing to me. Lions don't care about everything equally, they'd go crazy if they did. And it can be sometimes be unpredictable and surprising just WHAT will give you that "I guess we're doing to die on this hill" Lion primary PING. But without it pushing you along... it doesn't seem like you have much to fall back on.

earlier, [Mom and I] argued on how a wife should know how to do basic chores, and well, everyone should, but my mom said it to be exclusively to a woman, and how her husband will not want her if she can’t even do smth so simple. like washing dishes. my first thought is—why does it have to be the wife? and can’t the husband clean the stupid dishes himself if he cares so much? he should know too. basic chores are important to know, but setting it exclusively to one gender is so stupid. she ended up using me as an example bc of my distaste for washing dishes, saying that my future husband would say i’m not a real woman and would leave me. and my thoughts are that, well, he can leave, if i’m ever caught w someone like that! in fact, i wouldn’t ever be searching out for someone like that ever. gross. my mom is a badger primary confirmed??? maybe that’s why a lot of her beliefs are so off putting to me…

I mean, could be. That focus on tradition and the way things "should be" can be very Badger primary. Although if she's bottling up her emotions, could be a pretty extreme model.

(and yes, obviously everyone should know how to do basic chores like washing the dishes.)

 i follow through w my skincare routine even on a time crunch and my mom wants me to hurry up. it’s just too important to me—i might try to rush a little, but it’s gonna take an apocalypse to make me give up on any part of it.

You know, it's funny. But I've figured out who you remind me of. You're Stede Bonnet, from Our Flag Means Death. Trapped in a very traditional this-is-how-things-are-done environment, and with a secondary so burned that he just goes along with everything... but his primary still does assert itself in his love of dark things (pirates) and his love of clothes.

i also do what i want when i  want. like rn, technically i COULD be doing college work, but… meh. i don’t want to. but then eventually i’ll feel pressure to do it anyways. i’m usually on time w assignments even if i start them somewhat late, bc i hate to think of the consequences i’d be dealing w if i didn’t do anything.

I mean, that's how it can be with a Burnt secondary. You don't *want* to do the thing. But eh, I'll do it I guess.

i think, if i had one argument to be made against lion primary (if it counts as one), it would be that, while i don’t mind praise, it’s not smth i’m actively thinking of or searching for. i’m just not used to it. if i get it, i’m like, oh, thanks! it’s nice, but… idk… i don’t think it’s a huge part of me if a part at all.

Lion primaries are not out here searching for praise, unless they're very exploded. At the end of the day, I don't think anyone can run entirely on approval coming in from outside yourself. Not for long, anyway.

am i interesting? it’d be cool if i was. or just a classic?

You are interesting, actually. It's unusual to have such a strong, loud primary and such a burnt secondary. It makes me think that you're going to be just fine, especially when you finish school and get out on your own. The fiery Lion primary seems pretty clear to me, and I *suspect* you might have a Prep-work secondary... but unfortunately, at the moment. Too burned to tell.

[be-good-be-safe-be-kind]

non-exhaustive list of phrases seen today, some on posts complexity unrelated to any of these things, which gets the block button in response (unfortunately, blocking irl for shit like this is harder to do)

'this and [other instagram] are great sources on how awful zionazis are'

'omg your scarf is sooo cute but like isn't it oppressive and you should fight back for your rights, no pressure tho'

'we should spit on all jews we see just in case they're one of the supporters of genocide'

'from the river to the sea is just a phrase'

'everyone should report [user] for obvious reasons [israeli +/ palestinaian flag in bio] [+/ hebrew +/ arabic words]'

'quick question but are you jewish or are you normal'

'fuck off with that chosen people, am yisrael chai bullshit'

'yeah idk i only skimmed it but reblogging for reach i seems important guys'

'mabye im spelling it wrong but [person with vaguely nonwhite name] is a terrorist and [you shouldn't support them]'

'but which side are you really on because either you want to wipe out an entire civilization or you support a two-state solution condemning the world'

'im not there or an expert but i trust this is a valid opinion bc the account is followed by my smart friends'

'unable to link now but check out [this tiktok] of how [somewhat prominent jewish person living in the uk] is acshully a settler who killed palestinians to take their house'

'sorrrrry idk if im explaining this right?? but [wildly unsubstantiated, widespread conspiracy theory] is like super important to be aware of you guys'

'how dare you [read/watch/listen to something] made by [person who has explicitly said they are in support of human rights and acknowledges that there isn't an easy one side or the other answer] who is pro occupation'

'you should commit suicide and then maybe your family will become normal about the conflict and see the truth instead of listening to your trash'

'friendly reminder that [person] said [statement which is very easy to search and find that they said something close to the opposite] so you should hate them but not sure didnt do as much research'

y'all can't even be bothered to check something as basic as someone's name, no wonder you are so content with sharing neat little infographics and being in an echo chamber of slogans that do fuck all for the people who are actively in danger and sometimes, believe it or not, you make things worse.

excuses of 'oh i'm a minor' (<- even if you are, it's kinda irrelevant and internet safety 101 is don't advocate that) or 'i don't actually live there but heard something like this from [random mutual]' (<- continues to talk over people who actually do and/or people who have experienced these things) or 'bestie how am i supposed to know who is a bad source' (<- that's condescending, not cute, and maybe if you asked genuinely people would have patience to walk you through basic literacy and comprehension exercises) or 'well what are you doing to help' (<- gotchas aren't cool, especially when your version of help is actually hate speech) or 'okay even if i was foggy on the details the point is the same' (<- how do you reach the same conclusion when the information shows a drastically different narrative than the first one) etc. are flimsy and frustrating

[zerobaseonefics]

tw: rape, attempt and idk what else??

so basically my depression worsened and i had an attempt on wednesday, this week. school is too much already and it barely started, my whole family is a problem and my friends(?) are making jokes about me which i find somehow funny but it also hurts me

my family is talking about how my breasts grow so fast and how they are bigger than most of the women in my family and even men are saying this which makes me uncomfortable… my parents also keep telling me if i keep misbehaving (sleeping when its daytime) i will be sent to my family in vietnam (im not that close with them because theyre pretty much aggressive and i’m bad at speaking vietnamese, they can’t speak polish, so it’s hard to communicate)

the jokes my friends(?) make are about how a guy almost raped me but i managed to push him off of me.. the jokes are like “omg youre like literally our hulk” etc. // i do find the jokes funny sometimes but then i think about the time it happened and i feel grossed out by myself and feel like crying

also all the panic attacks i had in the recent weeks are all too much.. and it’s too much pressure thinking about everything at once, i just can’t sort it out in my head

even tho my problems may not be that serious, i still can’t handle them anymore. thank you for “listening”to me, i’m really thankful for you<33

~🤍

first of all, i know it's hard to keep that in mind sometimes, and that's why i want to remind you that you should never make a hierarchy of problems. your problems ARE serious, and you should not delegitimize them like that. your feelings are valid no matter what your issue is, if it makes you feel that way then there is a reason and it's your right to be hurt.

i'm genuinely pissed off hearing about the comments on your body from your family 💀 as i hit puberty very young, i also had that problem of adults making inappropriate remarks on it, and i know how it hurts and can mess with your self esteem and the way you feel in your body. avoid the people who make this kind of comments as much as you can. depending on the links you have with your family, try and tell them that it makes you uncomfortable. tell the women in your family especially that it's even worse when it's men and hopefully they will stand up for you if they ever tell you something about it in front of them. this is so annoying why do they care about your body like that 💀

about your friends and their jokes!! even if it can make you laugh sometimes, it's better to tell them straight that you don't like it. if you let them get away with it for too long, they might not understand why you're against it when you used to laught about it. maybe they don't mean any harm, but if they're actual good friends they'll respect you and stop with these jokes. if they are not, i guarantee you that you'll be better off without them. you're very strong, okay? what happened to you when you got assaulted is in no way your fault and it is not taking away your value. don't forget i call you pure >:(

as for the panick attacks, do you have any methods to calm them down?? as someone who suffers from it as well, i had a time when i was younger where they were very frequent. i have less now because i found some methods that help me calm down easier. if you can, press your back against something cold, a wall for example. if you're not alone, try to put your hand on a friend's chest to feel the way they are breathing and try to match your breathing with their. also, i have a friend who put their face in a huge bowl of water. try these next time you have a panick attack, and if doesn't work, look for other ones! there is surely one that will work for you.

i assume you're much younger than me so i will treat you as a little sibling and talk to you according to my experiences as someone who went through similar things as you. if you ever wanna talk about anything, i will always take my time to answer to you and try to give you advices. take care of you, you're valuable, and you should never hurt yourself <3 better days are surely waiting for you in the future, and it would be a shame to miss them, right?

please come back to me at least once a week so i can make sure you're doing good >:( take care, pure 🩶